Dear Friends, life has not been the same since I left school; anyways this was not meant to be my next post. While I was driving back home today, as usual the songs in the folder 4 were playing -these are some of the inspirational songs that I have recorded from the 1960 Tamil movies and I had planned to come home and write a part 2 on God is everywhere kind of answering who and where is God?

Then there is this persistent thought about cleanliness that my mom has wanted me to write about, taking examples from the couplets I have been reading lately and sharing with you all.

According to her…possessing love, uttering pleasant words, and cleanliness are the 3 virtues that one must possess to be blessed or in other words have a blessed home. So as usual I am trying to read the couplets on cleanliness among other things and the next thing that comes to me is my house…I better organize it before I write this post so I am not feeling guilty.

As I was fixing to organize my room, it was time to get the kids in bed. I was reading them a bed time story and in no time I am fast asleep. I was planning to get them to bed so I can get multiple things accomplished before my busy weekend ahead and at least a good 300 miles of driving to start with.

So then what am I doing at 2:00 AM Saturday morning…that was supposed to be this post? So let’s get to it.

I woke up in the middle of my dream and thought it was a wakeup call I had on life and relationships. Let me begin without confusing you. In my dream, unlike any fairy tale princess story, I was explaining why my friends from childhood are different. I was kind of having the feelings expressed in words for the first time that too in a dream. It was more a sisterly love and affection that we had for each other. Why? was this meant to be? Because unlike most of you I was in one school from my kindergarten to 12^th grade, you are almost looking at 14 years of my childhood spent in one school. A good bit of these friends I am talking about were like me so we literally grew up together in this second home. We do not call ourselves sisters so it took me all these years to put that word to our friendships. My dream had to do it for me.

So what is all this wakeup call from God drama about? You might wonder? I seriously don’t know, but this is kind of more towards the self-realization part of my blog I was going to talk to you all about, I have never given time to these thoughts before or never woke up in the middle of my sleep to write a blog. So by the time I get up again in the morning they are all forgotten dreams.

So I am not telling any of you or to myself that you cannot acquire a friendship like this in the later part of your life. That is so untrue. I myself cannot accept that since I have some most wonderful friends now in my life. I am proud to have them as my friends.

But, what I am trying to say is that we can still find friends like that, but our friend centric life leaves us in our early adult hood, when much of our time is managed between, family, work, career, goals etc. So this would not be the right time to search for friendship or get affection from a new friend who you are barely getting to know trying to keep the above said things intact and unaltered that have become the now you.

It would be nice to have it when we are kids and carry it to the reminder of our life. Something I hope my kids can achieve before they leave school. Also since they have a mom who realizes its importance let’s hope I make sure they have friends they can count on for life.

So coming to my childhood friends I am still in touch with these sisters of mine a new name to the old and long friendship we share. In particular there are 3 of them I owe this gift of my new life to and for sure one of them in particular who has not stopped trying to put sense in me in every single call she has made to me this entire time we have been away, not to mention we are continents apart, though I do not mention their names in here, they know who they are so I will leave it at that.

So don’t get scared when I tell you all this about not having the time and you are already in your adulthood, this is not the time to feel lonely about not having any childhood friends. You must have found other friends in the course of time. I still have great friends, friends I have known for the past 10 years, who have guided me in the right, some wonderful neighbors, roommates, colleagues and of course those God sent angel friends you get to meet. You can always find a friend in your soul mate and it is never too late to have a soul mate in life.

So cheer up people and go find yourself a friend if you have not already. Don’t forget a good old saying “A friend in need is a friend indeed.”

So though this was not supposed to be a lesson on Thiruvalluvar’s Thirukkural, the inquisitive mind of mine said why not see what he has to say about friendship, and for sure I find these 40 couplets worth knowing, the last 10 I added is especially if you are desperately trying to find a friend when you are an adult. I hope by now you know the translation have on all the couplets as man but it is also the same for a woman. I just wanted to make things clear. I seriously did not know Valluvar had so much to say about friendship. I started with saying 10 couplets and as I went through one chapter at a time found all these couplets and though at first was worried why Valluvar had not put this in the beginning and gave them to us in the later sections and chapters but the mere number of couplets tell us the importance of friendship and the value he has placed on good friendship.

Ok I will stop with this because I actually wanted to write and discuss only 10 couplets at a time. He has 20 more to say what kind of friendship you should avoid. I will save them for later. As you read these couplets please feel free to write your questions and I will try to respond to the best of my ability.

79. Friendship

781.What is as difficult to secure as friendship?

   And what greater security is there against foes?

782.With wise men, friendship waxes like the crescent moon;

   with fools, it wanes as surely as the full moon must.

783.The bonds that good men share are like good bound books,

   revealing new enchantments at each new encounter.

784.What matters in making friends is not merrymaking,

   but a stern rebuking when friends go astray.

785.It is not constant meeting and companionship,

   but shared sensibilities that confer the alliance of friendship.

786.A smiling face is no sure sign of friendship.

   Friendship is found deep within a smiling heart.

787.To divert a man from wrong, direct him toward right

   and share his sorrow in misfortune is comradeship.

788.As swiftly as the hand moves to seize a slipping garment,

   friendship acts to assuage a friend’s distress.

789.Where does Friendship hold her court? It is where friends

   find constant support in every possible circumstance.

790.To boast, “He means so much to me, and I to him,”

         merely belittles a friendship.

 80. Testing Fitness for Friendship

791.Nothing is more grievous than friendship formed without first

testing, for once adopted, it cannot be abandoned by the faithful.

792.Unless it begins with testing and proving,

friendship may end in mortal sorrow.

793.Before you befriend him, consider a man’s character,

family background, faults and faithful allies.

794.Pay any price to possess the friendship

of well-born men who cannot bear rebuke and shame.

795.Seek out and befriend those who, speaking out, move you to repent,

reprove your wrongdoing and teach you the right ways.

796.There is a benefit even in misfortune, for it is the rod

with which a man may measure the loyalty of friends.

797.To give up friendship with fools and quit their company–

such loss is said to be a man’s greatest gain.

798.Don’t dwell on thoughts that dim your spirit.

Don’t befriend those who flee you in affliction.

799.Even in the hour of death, the thoughts of friends

who left you in your hour of need will hurt the heart.

800.Hold tight to friendship with pure men;

let go of unfit fellows, even by paying them off.

81. Old Familiarity

801.What is old familiarity? It is when neither friend

   objects to liberties taken by the other.

802.Liberties taken by a friend are friendship’s rightful possession;

to allow them is the willing duty of wise men.

803.What is the purpose of long-standing fellowship

if friends’ familiar actions are not accepted as one’s own?

804.Familiar with familiarity, the wise are never annoyed

when friends do things without asking.

805.When friends do things that hurt you, attribute it

to unawareness or to the privileges of friendship.

806.Bound by brotherhood, true friends never break their bond

with an old comrade, even if he brings them loss.

807.Old friends do not forsake loving fellowships,

even when those they cherish happen to do them harm.

808.An intimate of any strength will never listen to faults said of friends;

and on the day a friend offends, he is content to keep silent.

809.The world cherishes faithful men who never forsake

old friendships, worn by time but unbroken.

810.Even ill-wishers will wish those well

who never abandon affection for old friends.

51. Testing and Trusting Men

501.Pick that man who passes a four-fold test:
how he handles virtue, wealth, pleasure and loss of life.
502.Place trust in a man of good family, free from faults,
with a modest nature that dreads reproach.
503.Even faultless, deeply learned men, when closely examined,
are rarely found to be entirely free from ignorance.
504.Weigh a man’s merits and weigh his faults,
then judge him according to the greater.
505.The touchstone that discloses a man’s greatness
or smallness is simply this: his deeds.
506.Beware of trusting men who have no kin
unattached to people, they are unashamed of misdeeds.
507.When a man employs a know-nothing out of affection,
he engages all kinds of foolishness.
508.To trust a stranger without investigation invites troubles
so endless that even descendants must endure them.
509.Without investigation, trust no one. Having investigated,
entrust a man with matters for which he is trustworthy.
510.To trust a man who has not been tested and to suspect a man
who has proven trustworthy lead alike to endless ills.

I will finish this post with one question to ponder for everyone young and old: If Valluvar says so much about finding and securing a friend then imagine how much we should know of the person we are going to marry. Never make hasty decisions in life.